You Say You Want a Resolution

Unlike with “regular” New Year’s, Rosh Hashanah really isn’t about making resolutions; in all honesty, that’s more on what Yom Kippur is focused (well, that and not thinking about how many more !#$%ing hours there are until you can eat).  However, I think that I will reserve the Day of Atonement for actually asking forgiveness from the people I’ve wronged (myself included); today I want to think ahead to how I can make 2010-2011/ 5771 a better year.

1)      Act, don’t just think. I am the queen of talking the talk without walking the walk. I say I am going to do something (i.e. answer emails or put away my laundry or stop messaging that person who clearly doesn’t care if s/he ever hears from me again), I know full well I will feel better if I do it, I recognize I have the capacity to do it…and yet I do nothing.  There’s a reason that one of the major pillars of Alcoholics Anonymous is the recognition of your problem as the first step, but without that second step… I’m still drinking, as it were. I know that whenever I come across these moments of action vs. inaction, there is a split-second where I haven’t yet decided what to do (or not do); I need to turn as many of those moments as possible into the opportunity to act.  Now, I know there will be times when I am too tired or something more attractive or fun is available to do (or when I’ve got a case of the “dumb and uglies” and will make stupid reaching-out mistakes), but if for the most part I make the decision to follow through on my better impulses and turn them into actual acts… I will feel better.

2)      Be more honest with and true to myself. I know this is going to sound funny coming from someone who is so very opinionated, but a lot of the time I have no idea what I actually think or feel. I have gotten into the really, really bad habit of realigning my thoughts and feelings to support my actions (see above) rather than vice versa. So when a situation arises that doesn’t jibe with my manufactured emotions, it creates an unhealthy state of psychological imbalance in me. But then, rather than recognizing that that imbalance comes from emotional dissonance, I shift my emotions/thoughts further and try to find an even more improbable way of justifying my actions. There is nothing at all that is good about this, and I need to work on recognizing when I am doing it before I go too far down that path. Blogging actually helps a lot; really, any formalized opportunity to codify and organize my thoughts makes it virtually impossible to engage in the kind of ridiculously circular thinking/feeling that I do when I get on the “justification carousel.” So as difficult as it is going to be, I am going to work very hard to dig deeper and see how I really feel and what I really think before I act. This is going to be particularly challenging because you all know that I generally think/work at a breakneck pace and this will definitely slow that down. However, I think what I lose in speed will easily be offset by gains in integrity of thought and feeling and comfort with the actions I take and decisions I make.

3)      Read more.  For all of my pontificating about how much I love to read, how overjoyed I am to have rediscovered books blah blah blah…when push comes to shove, I will still watch “That 70s Show” because it’s on after the 9:00PM news rather than turning off the TV and picking up a book. I do this more often than I am willing to admit to. While it’s tempting to assign myself a certain length of time each day that I must read (along the lines of what we teachers do for our students), I am willing to cut myself a little slack here and say that since I recognize this is a problem, since I’m working on #s 1 & 2 above, and since following through on this WILL make me happier… I can go freestyle at first. If it doesn’t work, I’ll just have to be more of a hardass with myself.

4)      Find something to do. I know many of you who read this would give your left arms to be financially able to afford not to work and do whatever you wanted with your time, which is more or less the position in which I currently find myself. Financial burden aside (not really something I care to discuss in public), I am bored out of mind. Whenever I say this, some well-meaning friend or family member comes to my “aid” with a list of all of the things I could be doing, and while I appreciate it…thanks, but no thanks. I know full well there are myriad things I could be doing instead of sitting on my ass watching “The Price is Right” (or even reading); they’re just not what I want to be doing! And I’m sorry if it makes me sound spoiled, but I don’t want to be doing something – anything! – just to keep busy; that’s worse than not being able to make good use of my free time! I need to be teaching, end of story. It’s my passion, it’s what feeds my soul; other than being Kyra and Max’s mom, it is the single thing that makes me the happiest day in and day out. Unfortunately, just saying that I want to be teaching isn’t going to bring me a job; neither is sending out a score of resumes to schools letting them know I can sub, apparently. So I am going to need to bite the bullet and compromise my lofty ideals and either go back to low-paying test prep tutoring or look at jobs which will require a longer, less pleasant commute or look at other sorts of teaching (like working in our local youth center helping with homework or applying for a job at the cooking school down the street).  To paraphrase Ashleigh, “It’s time to suck it up.”

5)      Be positive and believe in the power of my dreams: I haven’t read The Secret, and I find the current nearly cult-like devotion to the concept of the Law of Attraction to be a bit…unsettling. But when I step off my high horse, I realize that there is a good reason for this massive following: it works. When you hone in on what you want, when you focus the full force of your positive energies on asking the universe to help provide you with it and, perhaps most importantly, when you are not only willing to work for what you want but open to believing that you genuinely deserve it…well, that combination is virtually unbeatable. Next step: figuring out what I want (oddly enough, that’s a lot harder for me than any of the other steps I’ve enumerated).

And this seems as good a place as any to end this post. Whether or not you are celebrating Rosh Hashanah today, I hope that you can take some time to think about how you can improve your life.  If you’re reading this there is no question in my mind that you deserve the best you – and life! – can give yourself, and if you’re willing to believe that and work for it… it will happen. 

Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 5799

Happy 5771 to all of my Jewish friends whose new year will begin at sundown tonight. To the rest of you:

a.       Have a great day off from school/work OR

b.      Try not to be too resentful of your Jewish co-workers who took the day off and left you with their workload.

As with most Jewish holidays, Rosh Hashanah is an opportunity to eat, and enjoy the company of friends and family, and eat, and contemplate life, and eat, and complain about every little thing that is bugging you…and eat.  So in that spirit, here’s what Kyra, Max, and I will be having tonight.  I hope that whether or not you are celebrating this evening/tomorrow, your year is filled with sweetness and hope.

Pre-meal: Apples and honey. Kyra will eschew the apples, for the most part, and eat the honey with a spoon. I will scold her for this…and then do it myself.

Throughout meal and probably for the next week:Round, raisin challah (normally, Kyra would have made this for us, but having just started back to school she’s a bit too busy; Cheryl Ann’s is a pretty good substitute, though)

The main meal: Wendy’s “Peace in the Middle East” Chicken; Mama Betty’s Noodle Kugel; green beans with almonds (recipes below)

Dessert: Nigella Lawson’s Eton Mess (recipe below)

Peace in the Middle East Chicken - serves 4

1 c. low- or non-fat Greek-style yogurt

2 Tbsp olive oil

1 Tbsp Za’atar spice (this is a Middle Eastern spice blend of dried oregano, basil, thyme, savory, sumac, sesame seeds, and salt)

1 tsp dried mint

1 tsp lemon zest

2 good-sized garlic cloves, crushed

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (can use tenders; do not use thin cutlets)

1)      Mix together first 6 ingredients in a non-reactive bowl or casserole dish (I like my 8x8 glass baking dish)

2)      Add chicken breasts and rotate to coat.

3)      Allow chicken to marinate in fridge for at least 2 hours and as much as overnight

4)      Take chicken from marinade (make sure most of marinade is off chicken breasts so they do not burn) and DISCARD MARINADE (if you would like to turn these same ingredients into a dipping sauce of sorts, start over)

5)      Either grill or broil chicken breasts for about 5 minutes per side or until no longer pink inside.

Green Beans with Almonds

1 bag of pre-washed, pre-trimmed, microwave-right-in-the-dang-bag green beans

¼ cup whole roasted, salted almonds (you can use smokehouse or rosemary if you’d like)

½ Tbsp butter or olive oil (or a mix of both)

1)      Cook beans according to directions on package (if you’re not lazy like me and are using fresh green beans, steam or boil them but make sure they are still bright green)

2)      Put almonds in sandwich bag, seal and- using a meat tenderizing hammer- pound those babies until they’re coarsely chopped

3)      Heat butter/olive oil in pan over medium heat; add cooked green beans making sure NOT to add extra water

4)      When heated through and coated with butter/oil, toss with chopped almonds

Mama Betty’s Noodle Kugel (Note: Mama Betty is my paternal grandmother and was the very personification of the notion that food = love in spite of this NOT being a sweet kugel)

NOTE: I am trying this with wheat egg noodles and low-fat sour cream this year; I’ll let you know how that goes

12 oz. package of wide egg noodles, cooked al dente

¼ lb. (one stick) butter, cut up into tablespoons

3 eggs, separated

1 pt. sour cream

Salt to taste

4 Tbsp. butter

1)      Preheat oven to 400°F

2)      Mix ¼ lb. butter with hot noodles.

3)      Add egg yolks, 3 Tbsp. sour cream, and salt

4)      Mix well

5)      Beat egg whites until they form stiff peaks and gently fold into noodle mixture

6)      Grease 2 qt. (7 x 11- I actually use a 9 x 13 with fine results) dish and pour in noodle mixture

7)      Spread with remaining sour cream

8)      Dot with remaining butter

9)      Bake for 1 hour at 400°. Kugel should be crispy on top and around edges

Nigella Lawson’s Eton Mess (I usually half this)

4 c. strawberries, hulled and roughly chopped

2 tsp. sugar

2 tsp. pomegranate juice

2 c. whipping cream

1 tsp. vanilla extract (REAL vanilla; do not use “vanilla flavoring.” Yuck)

10 crumbled meringues (you can buy these at Whole Foods or make your own)

Sprigs of mint (optional)

1)      Toss berries with sugar and pomegranate juice

2)      Whip cream until thick but still soft

3)      Roughly crumble in meringues; it’s okay if there is some sugary dust in there as well as large chunks

4)      Set aside about a ½ c. of the berries for garnish

5)      Fold rest of berries into whipped cream/meringue mixture

6)      Serve in pretty glasses and top with reserved berries and a sprig of mint if you have it