Nicely, Nicely

Consider the word “nice” for a moment, please. As a teacher, it’s a word I admonish my students to avoid; there are myriad other, more specific and descriptive words which can far better be applied to express positivity in their writing. But beyond that, it’s got a multitude of connotations which see it being regularly utilized in such a broad spectrum of situations that it bears discussion. And I would posit that maybe “nice” shouldn’t be quite so vilified and dismissed.

My parents used to (politely) make fun of people who would say, “Have a nice day;” I assume that this is because it is a rather trite, meaningless way of wishing someone well. When my friends saw the picture of the guy I had a date with last Saturday, there were a couple of responses of “Niiiiiiiiice!” a comment on the fact that he is, I have to say, a rather well-put-together fellow.  When I shoot out my less-rare-than-they-should be verbal barbs, I often get back a terse “Nice, Wen” meaning, in fact, just the opposite; I’m not being very nice at all.

But in general, I am pretty universally considered a “nice” person.  I listen attentively when people talk to me; I ask questions and am genuinely interested in their responses. I give to charity, and I am constantly moved by the plight of those who are less fortunate than I am- be it in the public or personal arena.  Even those people or groups who annoy or anger me will usually get some kind of concession that their behavior or attitudes are caused by circumstances beyond their control or reasons which I am lucky enough to have avoided and therefore should not be judging too harshly. Treat me poorly now and then, and I will probably come up with a million reasons why you did it, how I might have helped create the conditions which led to you doing it, and another million ways in which you have balanced this mistreatment with kindness. This does not make me a doormat or a victim, in my mind; it just makes me…nice.

I do have a sarcastic side, and I am not one of those people who feels that sarcasm has no place in nice, polite social intercourse. You have to consider the source, right?  There are definitely those who spew nothing BUT snark; it’s almost as if they fear that showing their gentler side will somehow render them weak and vulnerable. I don’t have this problem at all; most of you reading this know I am very vulnerable and anything but weak! Sometimes, a sarcastic, teasing response is exactly what the situation calls for.  It can lighten a mood, it can let the recipient know you are aware of the parameters of your relationship (Note: we all know people who are just too sensitive, or when we are in a superior position– as with a teacher to a student; using sarcasm in these situations is just inappropriate), and sometimes it just plain feels good to show off one’s wit.

But in general… we could all be a lot nicer to each other. How much extra effort does it take to reply on Facebook when we see someone is having a tough time (and I don’t mean pushing that “like” button, gang)? Are those milliseconds it takes to type in “Hang in there!” or “I’m thinking about you, sweetie” really going to cost you so much in your day that you can’t spare them?  Even at the end of a long day (or in the middle of it, or the next day), is it really that hard to respond to a friendly email with “I’m really busy right now; I’ll try to get back to you soon. Thanks for thinking of me?”  The positive energy this creates so far outweighs any effort you have to apply to putting it out there that I would unequivocally suggest that if you are gearing up to argue otherwise, maybe you need to rethink how you feel about the people in your life. I know that’s a strong statement (I’ve reworded it several times), but I stand by it. If your life is really so busy that you cannot be bothered to even acknowledge others’ attempts to reach out to you, you really should reevaluate your priorities.

You might be thinking, “That wasn’t very nice of her!” but I actually think it was. As I stated in comments on my blog on friendship, “A friend will tell you what you want to hear; a true friend will tell you what you don’t want to hear,” and let’s face it- nobody wants to hear that s/he isn’t being nice. But I know that there have been occasions when even I have needed to hear that, and while all of you (whom I know) who are reading this are definitely folks I’d classify as good, kind-hearted, and genuine…nobody’s exempt from being able to add a little more “nice” to his/her life.

So, as is my wont, I’m leaving you with some homework (humor me; it’s the first day of school, and I don’t have a teaching job, so I have to get my teacher jollies in somewhere). Be nicer. Try it today, try it tomorrow, make it a habit.  Don’t let life or people push you around, but recognize that when you are nicer and put out more positive energy and effort, you will be amazed at what comes back to you. Trust me- it feels nice.